Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
