I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
