Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
