Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
