I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize