Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
