I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
