i barfeds in our rink
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
