Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
