I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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