We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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