Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
