We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
