I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
