I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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