Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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