I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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