never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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