the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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