Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
