I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
