He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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