I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
