he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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