is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ttyl tear gas
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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