hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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