she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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