Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize