I got chris browned last night
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
