next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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