Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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