I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
