I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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