Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
