i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
