so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
