im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ketchup is God's man juice
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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