my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
