Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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