I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
