Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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