There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
