Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
