good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
