but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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