just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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