Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
