is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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