I hate your face
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So much Jack, so little girl.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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