hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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