you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
