I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
