Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
