I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
