If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
