Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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