I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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