we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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