i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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