He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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