when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
