Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
