What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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