Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Don't make out with my wife yet
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
