i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
