ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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