I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize