My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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